You Don't Need a Life Plan

Dr. Birdi Sinclair Author

Discover how letting go of rigid life plans and embracing soulful pauses, self-trust, and mindful choices leads to fulfillment, connection, purpose.

Do You Really Need a Plan in Life? (Spoiler: Maybe Not in the Way You May Think)

I used to be that person. You know the one - color-coded calendars, five-year plans mapped out in excruciating detail, backup plans for my backup plans. I genuinely believed that without a meticulously crafted roadmap, I'd somehow drift aimlessly through life like a leaf in the wind, accomplishing nothing meaningful. The very thought of "winging it" made my chest tight with anxiety.

But here's what I've discovered after years of trying to force life into neat little boxes: Life's got a way of showing you what your next move is going to be—as long as you're open to seeing it, and have a sense of your values, what you value.

That shift in perspective? It changed everything.

Now, before you think I've gone completely off the deep end and am advocating for throwing all caution to the wind, let me be clear: I'm not suggesting you cancel your retirement savings or quit your job tomorrow without any thought. What I am suggesting is that maybe - just maybe - we're going about planning all wrong.

The Myth of the Perfect Plan

We live in a culture obsessed with having it all figured out. From the moment we're old enough to answer "What do you want to be when you grow up?" we're conditioned to believe that successful people have clear, unwavering plans. That they wake up each morning knowing exactly where they're headed and how they're going to get there, and then they seem to actually arrive there! 

But what if that's not actually how life works? What if the most meaningful paths are the ones that unfold organically, guided not by rigid timelines but by something deeper, our core values and an intuitive sense of what feels right?

I think about the people I admire most, the ones living lives that seem genuinely fulfilling and authentic. When I really listen to their stories, very few of them follow a straight line from Point A to Point B. Instead, their journeys are filled with unexpected turns, serendipitous encounters, and moments where they had to trust their gut over their carefully laid plans.

Take my friend Uma, for instance. She spent her twenties climbing the prestigious ladder in medicine and research, checking off all the boxes she thought she was supposed to check. Good salary, peer respect, impressive title. On paper, she was winning. But something felt off - a persistent sense that she was living someone else's definition of success rather than her own.

The turning point came during what she now calls a "soulful pause" - a moment of honest reflection about what truly mattered to her. She realized that her core values centered around creativity, connection, and making a tangible difference in people's lives. Her medical job, while financially and socially rewarding, wasn't feeding those deeper needs.

Did she have a detailed plan for what came next? Absolutely not. But she had something more valuable: clarity about what she valued and the courage to stay open to possibilities that aligned with those values. That openness led her to volunteer at a local nonprofit, which led to a conversation with the director, which eventually led to her current role as a program coordinator - work that lights her up in ways her old job never did.

When You Hit the Crossroads

Life has a funny way of presenting us with crossroads when we least expect them. Sometimes they're dramatic like a job loss, a relationship ending, a health scare. Other times they're quieter - a nagging feeling that something needs to change, a conversation that sparks something new, or simply the realization that the path you're on no longer feels like yours.

These crossroads moments can feel terrifying, especially if you're someone who finds comfort in having everything mapped out. I remember hitting one of these moments myself several years ago as a hospice nurse. While there were many aspects of my work that were truly rewarding, fulfilling, I was also stuck, really stuck, in a pattern that looked successful from the outside but felt constricting on the inside. I kept waiting for some mysterious force to hand me a manual, a clear set of instructions for what to do next.

But here's what I learned: getting unstuck isn't about finding the perfect plan. It's about reconnecting with what matters most to you and trusting that clarity will guide your next steps.

Your core values are like an internal compass. They don't tell you exactly which road to take, but they help you navigate in the right direction. When you're clear about what you value (whether that's creativity, family, adventure, service, learning, or something else entirely), decisions become less about following a predetermined script and more about asking yourself: 

"Does this align with who I am and what I care about?"

This doesn't mean you throw all practical considerations out the window. It means you use your values as a filter for the opportunities and choices that come your way. It means you pay attention to what energizes you versus what drains you. It means you give yourself permission to change course when something isn't working, even if it wasn't part of the original plan.

The Power of Soulful Pauses

One of the most transformative practices I've discovered is what I call "soulful pauses"  - in part it’s stepping into those moments of what happens when you step back from the constant doing and allow yourself to simply be with what is. These aren't necessarily long meditation retreats  (though they can be) or yet one more thing to do. Sometimes a soulful pause is as simple as taking a walk without your phone, sitting quietly with your morning coffee instead of scrolling or mapping, or asking yourself honest questions about how you're really feeling.

In our achievement-oriented culture, these pauses can feel indulgent or unproductive. But I've found them to be the opposite - they're where clarity lives. When you're constantly moving, constantly planning, constantly doing, it's easy to lose touch with your inner knowing. 

The soulful pause creates space for that quiet wisdom to emerge - that little voice we all talk about gets a moment to actually be a respected part of the conversation instead of having to hammer you for attention through crummy self-talk, pressure, anxiety - you know the stuff.

I think of it like this: imagine you're driving through unfamiliar territory with a GPS that keeps losing signal. You could keep driving, hoping the signal will return, or you could pull over, get your bearings, and tune into what you can see and sense around you. The soulful pause is that moment of pulling over - not because you're lost, but because you want to make sure you're heading in a direction that feels right.

During these pauses, pay attention to what comes up. What are you drawn to? What feels heavy or light? What conversations keep circling back in your mind? What dreams have you been dismissing as "impractical"? These aren't random thoughts. They're often your inner wisdom trying to get your attention.

There is also a biology to our thoughts and responses. Understanding some of this will help grow kindness, awareness, and a renewed sense of choices.

Building Confidence Through Self-Trust

Here's something I wish someone had told me earlier: confidence isn't about having all the answers. It's about trusting yourself to figure things out as you go. This also strengthens a form of resilience that shows up when things go a little nutty.

When we're overly attached to having a detailed plan, we often undermine our own confidence. We start believing that we're only capable of success if we can predict and control every variable. But life isn't a math equation. It's more like learning to dance with a partner you can't fully predict. Have you watched any shorts of West Coast Swing Improv Competitions? I’m addicted.

Real confidence comes from developing self-trust. We hear that phrase often. Let’s define it as the deep knowing that whatever comes your way, you have the resources, creativity, and resilience to handle it. This kind of confidence is built through experience, through taking small steps in the direction of what feels right, even when you can't see the whole dancefloor. (really, check it out - some links at the bottom of this post so fun)

I remember talking to a woman who left her stable teaching job to start a small business making handmade jewelry. When people asked about her business plan, she'd laugh and say, "My plan is to make beautiful things and see what happens." That might sound reckless, but she had something more valuable than a five-year projection - she had clarity about her values (creativity, independence, craftsmanship) and trust in her ability to adapt and learn.

Three years later, her business is thriving, but not in the way she could have predicted. She's expanded into teaching workshops, partnered with local artisans, and even started a small online community for makers. None of that was in any plan she could have written at the beginning, but it all emerged naturally from staying true to her values and remaining open to opportunities.

This is what I mean by trusting life to show you the next move. It's not passive waiting. It's active engagement with what's in front of you, guided by your inner compass rather than external expectations.

Redefining Life Purpose

Let's talk about life purpose for a moment, because I think we've gotten this one twisted too. We've been conditioned to think of purpose as this grand, unchanging mission statement, like a secret code put into us by a divine source that we’re supposed to discover once and then spend the rest of your life pursuing with unwavering dedication.

But what if purpose is more fluid than that? What if it's less about finding your one true calling and more about showing up authentically (honoring your spark in your design) to whatever chapter you're in right now? Perhaps THIS is what allows our purpose to unfold. And, do we need to know we’re fulfilling a divine contract? Or if we live into our unique combination of personhood, we can trust we are meeting who we are meant to meet, doing what was intended? I think of Tolstoy’s 3 Questions often.

I've noticed that people who seem most fulfilled aren't necessarily those who figured out their "purpose" early and stuck to it. They're the ones who've learned to find meaning and contribution in whatever they're doing, while staying open to how that might evolve.

Your purpose might be raising children with love and intention. It might be bringing more beauty into the world through art or design. It might be solving complex problems in your field, or simply being the person who makes others feel seen and valued. It might be all of these things at different times in your life.

The key is staying connected to what feels meaningful to you right now, while holding space for that to change and grow. This requires a kind of gentle flexibility - being committed to your values while remaining open to how those values might express themselves in different seasons of your life.

Feeling Better About Uncertainty

One of the biggest shifts in my thinking has been learning to feel better about uncertainty rather than trying to eliminate it. We can become curious about thoughts and feelings that don’t feel “good” or how we manage those that we’ve labeled some flavor of “bad.”

I feel like repeating that is helpful: 

“learning to feel better about uncertainty rather than trying to eliminate it.”

Uncertainty isn't the enemy of a good life. It's often where the magic happens. It opens our perspective to possibilities, even if uncertainty is uncomfortable.

When we're too attached to our plans, we can miss the unexpected opportunities, the serendipitous connections, the plot twists that end up being exactly what we needed. We become so focused on getting from Point A to Point B that we miss the beautiful detour that leads to Point C! Often, it’s a place we never could have imagined but turns out to be exactly where we belong.

Remember, this is not the same as being careless or irresponsible. It means holding your plans lightly, like a loose grip on the steering wheel that allows you to respond to the road conditions rather than fighting against them.

Think about the best things that have happened in your life  - the relationships, opportunities, experiences that have brought you the most joy and growth. How many of them were exactly as you planned? My guess is that many of them came through unexpected channels, through saying yes to something that wasn't on your radar (or no to something that felt forced), through being open to possibilities you hadn't considered.

A Different Kind of Planning

So, do you need a plan in life? Yes and no. We all have some struggle with this, even if we think we’re failing, flailing, or trying to keep it together and masking our doubts. We all need the same key elements to feel on track, and get back on track.. 

• We need clarity about our core values. These are those non-negotiables that help make decisions aligned with who we uniquely are. 

• We need some practical structure (yes, we should probably save for retirement and have a general sense of our financial and health goals). 

• And we need the wisdom to take soulful pauses regularly, checking in with yourself about whether you're moving in a direction that feels authentic and meaningful. 

The combo of core values, practical structure, and soulful pauses are like including your mysterious self in on the conversation. It’s allowing a mix of brain storage, biology, psychology, spirituality - all that stuff you have been collating and connected with in the background through your WHOLE life. (Suddenly it sounds like having a council of elders or wise people at your disposal).

AND we don't need to have it all figured out. We don't need a detailed roadmap for the next decade. We don't need to know exactly how your story will unfold. 

What we need is the courage to stay open, the wisdom to trust ourselves, and the patience to let our paths reveal themselves one step at a time.

Here's what this might look like practically:

Instead of asking "What's my five-year plan?" try asking "What feels most alive and authentic to me right now?" Instead of forcing yourself to stick to a predetermined path that no longer fits, give yourself permission to pivot when something isn't working. Instead of waiting until you have all the answers, take the next small step in the direction of what feels right. This admittedly takes some courage, but when it is actually more in alignment than what we’re doing already, it feels almost non-negotiable and we find entry points to shift, right?

Pay attention to what energizes you versus what drains you. Notice the conversations that light you up, the activities that make you lose track of time, the problems you find yourself naturally drawn to solving. These aren't random. They're clues about where your path might be leading.

When you hit those inevitable crossroads (and you will - we ALL do), remember that feeling stuck isn't a sign that you're doing something wrong. It's often a sign that you're ready for something new, that you've outgrown your current situation and it's time to listen for what wants to emerge next.

Trust that you have everything you need to navigate whatever comes your way. Trust that clarity will come when you need it, not necessarily when you want it. Trust that your life has its own intelligence, its own timing, its own way of unfolding that's probably more beautiful and surprising than anything you could plan. This trust is a form of faith. That trust and faith can be rooted in your beliefs, your experiences, your sense of adventure - all kinds of places.

The Living Map

I like to think of life less like following a predetermined route and more like using a living map - one that updates in real time based on where you are and what you're learning about yourself and the world around you.

This living map is drawn with your values as the compass, your intuition as the guide, and your willingness to stay open as the fuel that keeps you moving forward. It's not about having all the answers; it's about trusting the process of discovery.

Some days the path will be clear and you'll feel confident about your next steps. Other days will be foggy and you'll need to move slowly, feeling your way forward. Both are normal. Both are part of the journey.

The goal isn't to eliminate uncertainty, it's to get more comfortable dancing with it. To build the kind of self-trust that allows you to say, "I don't know exactly where this is leading, but I know it feels right for now." To develop the confidence that comes from knowing you can handle whatever comes your way, even if it's not what you expected.

Your life doesn't need to look like anyone else's. Your timeline doesn't need to match society's expectations. Your path doesn't need to be linear or logical or easily explained at dinner parties.

What it needs to be is yours - authentic, meaningful, and aligned with what matters most to you.

So the next time someone asks about your five-year plan, maybe smile and say, "I'm working on something even better. I'm learning to trust the journey." Because sometimes the most beautiful destinations are the ones you never could have planned for, the ones that reveal themselves only when you're brave enough to stay open to the mystery of your own unfolding life.

And that, I think, is a pretty wonderful way to live.

Remember: You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to be willing to keep showing up, keep listening, and keep trusting that your path will reveal itself one authentic step at a time.

Links to Western Swing Improv Competition Shorts: 

How it works: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/xNrI0CokwaE

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/iwLm3GbB-yY  

Impressive: 

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/qxJmklNolcA

Categories: : Self Trust, Soulful Pauses